Animal House
by MessengerOfDreams
Summary: In the North Wing of the Smash Stadium Dorms live a group of tight-knit bipedals, animals and nonhumans, who are separated and perhaps a bit discriminated by the humans. Don't worry, though, they're having a good time. My first episodic fic! Rated T for language and some innuendo.
1. Chapter 1: A Fine Mess Hall

**A/N So let's get one thing straight out of the way. This new series is inspired a fair deal by **_**The Game**_**. My writing style will be much different, the characters will be different and the situations will be different, but this is also an episodic fic following a set of characters around the mansion. That's the only similarity but that's still a big similarity. :P**

**But welcome to **_**Animal House! **_**Y'see, I noticed that the animalistic characters rarely get much attention and so I'm going to establish a space for six of them. This'll be a good way to kill some time writing in between projects, test ideas and other such things. I hardly expect a Game-size following but it should be fun, writing for barely developed characters like Donkey Kong and Yoshi (okay so I'm using Melanthe but hey; I've said my spiel on Melanthe about fifty times (including my profile)) and giving them my own spin.**

**Another note- I'm not going to be entirely factual about everything, mainly Pokémon. I know that Lucario has a male voice in the game and that her being female here may be 'wrong' and damn if I don't know that most of the characters featured don't have any vocabulary at all. And yes, I know that Yoshi, Lucario and DK rarely if ever wear clothes. Cut me some slack, guys, seriously? **

**Anyway, let's get started on the obligatory introduction chapter, aye?**

**Disclaimer- I own nothing, regret nothing and let them forget nothing.**

**Let's go!**

_**Chapter 1  
>A Fine Mess Hall<strong>_

If there was one word that could be used to describe the North Wing of the Smash Mansion's community mess hall, a possible adjective would be _fluorescent. _Another possible adjective would be _artificial. _If you were thinking even harsher, you would probably wind up with _lifeless._

You'd probably be right on the money, too. The North Wing mess hall was the least desirable of the four wings of the mansion, which lay out like a dormitory of a college around the stadium. The last to be made, and on limited budget, the fifteen-by-thirty foot room resembled a school cafeteria with white tiles, white walls, white metal tables, all of which glowed yellow under the pressure of many overpowering lightbulbs. Windows were uncommon despite being alongside two walls, and overall it was just a cold, robotic and unwelcoming place.

Not that Falco minded much. He wasn't much of a frilly person. Yes, the place could look tons better- and he _may _be able to think of a reason or two that it could- but they were just eating there. As long as they weren't holding any romantic dances there he didn't mind.

At the moment, he was one of the few in the room, which really had very little reason to be so big and artificial- at most a crowd in here would be about fifteen people, most of which were actually animals. He carelessly held a can of generic Sprite in his hands- Shasta brand, usually digested when one was incredibly short on cash like he was. A six-pack, one of them already being used by Falco himself, sat somewhat off center on the table. He looked across from him at one of the people who usually bid him company and said "Drink one now, before they get all icky and stale."

The Yoshi sighed and quipped "I wish these were beers," before she begrudgingly took one and popped the tab open. Falco chuckled at the forty-three year old woman's comments, replying with "Don't we all, Melanthe."

"Eh," Melanthe replied, scratching at a side of her bright red mullet, "I guess I'll live." She glanced at the can before adding with annoyance "You just had to get the only Caffeine-Free soda there, didn't you?"

"I enjoy it," Donkey Kong added from Melanthe's left. "I usually prefer a bit more meat in my drink, but I still like this one and all."

"Ever optimistic, DK," Jigglypuff observed, barely audible from the far right of the table, which was usually how she preferred it. "Although I can only pray you're being metaphorical about meat in your drink, otherwise I won't be able to stomach the thought."

"Eh…" DK grinned, unabashed. "Let's go with that."

"Apes," Jigglypuff rolled her eyes before pulling her sun hat back over them, getting back to nothing in particular.

DK knew that the less social member of the North Wing meant nothing by that comment, but amused anyways, he replied "Well that's a bit racist, don't you think?"

"Species-ist," she corrected. "We're not the same animal, none of us are."

DK had a comment about everyone all being part of the same galaxy and other such peace messaging, but he decided to hold it on his tongue as he noted, disappointed, that Jigglypuff was not interested in holding a conversation, as usual.

Melanthe groaned. "Jigg, this whole wing is species-ist! They quarantined all the animals to this side of the goddamn mansion cause they were worried we were going to gnaw off their freaking curtains!"

"It's not all animals," Donkey Kong tried to keep his best friend of several decades calm. "Snake's here, too. And Olimar."

"I think the only reason Snake's here is because they thought he was part of StarFox," Falco replied before taking another swig of his soda.

"Aw," DK threw his hands in the air, frustrated. "Help me out here!"

"Hey, I'm just telling the truth," Falco replied.

"Additionally," Jigglypuff interjected, "I'm not entirely sure what species Captain Olimar is, honestly. All I know is that I have to be careful not to step on him."

She clambered across the table and took a soda off of the plastic ring before making her way back to the end, not sparing a glance at anyone. She popped the top and added "Also, species-ist isn't even the right term. You're technically going against an entire animal kingdom. Don't ask me to come up with a term for that."

Melanthe sighed. "You know what, whatever. Guess it doesn't really matter."

DK grinned. "Not really, at least not to me. I like the animals better anyways. Can't really put my finger on why?"

"Perhaps because we haven't asserted our supposed dominance over the known galaxies, don't trap other species in tiny plastic balls and use them in fights for our own honor and pride," Jigglypuff interjected, betraying no emotion.

"Pokémon," DK sighed, resting his hand in his chin.

"You sure make Pokémon battling sound Satanic," Falco quipped.

"I call it like I see it," she replied without a second thought.

"From what I've experienced," a smooth, deep female voice joined the conversation, "it's not always like that."

Donkey Kong looked behind his shoulder to see Lucario, one of the more recent residents, as she made her way into the room. "Hey," and a smile composed his greeting.

"Hello," she replied. "I don't suppose there is any food left?"

"I don't eat _that _much," Melanthe snapped.

Lucario gave a short laugh. "I never imagined it. How are you, Melanthe?"

"Doing good, gorgeous," was the reply. Lucario laughed again, used to Melanthe's flirting, and settled happily on taking a place to Melanthe's right.

Falco waved, grabbing a can of Sprite and tossing it into his upright hand. "Soda?" he offered.

"Is that Shasta?" Lucario asked.

"Unfortunately," Falco replied knowingly.

Lucario nodded. "I suppose it doesn't matter; I can't taste the difference."

"Then why'd you ask?" Jigglypuff asked.

Lucario gave her a tightlipped smile and replied "I suppose the world will never know, Jigglypuff." Turning her head towards the metal door to the kitchen, she asked "Anyway, I reiterate, is there any food left?"

The door opened at that very moment, and a short, pink ball poked his head out the door. In a childlike voice, he asked "Hey, I got food, Lucario! You wanted some?"

Lucario gave a soft giggle. "Why, young Kirby, how convenient."

Kirby blushed. "Actually I was just waiting behind the door for someone to say that. I thought it'd be awesome."

She giggled again. "Why, young Kirby, how thoughtful."

Kirby grinned. "So what do you want? I can bring it right out!"

She placed a paw under her chin in contemplation. "Hmm, well what did you make?"

"All kinds of stuff! Just ask for it and you can have it!" he declared confidently.

"Well!" Lucario mused on this point. "I would like a fruit salad, perhaps."

Kirby's countenance turned to one of slight surprise. "Oh, well… I forgot to make that. But don't worry! I can do it!"

"I bet," she assured him from across the room as he made his way back in the kitchen, stopping short when she added "Oh, wait!"

"Yes?" he asked eagerly.

"Add some extra apple, okay?"

"Extra apple. Got it!"

And just like that, he was back in the kitchen. Melanthe watched Lucario watch him go, noticing a fond light shine through her crimson eyes. The Yoshi smiled, wondering if anyone could see the same sort of fondness in her own eyes.

Falco kicked his legs over the table. "So, it's awful quiet over here all of a sudden. I suppose we could start back up with a simple 'how are you guys doing today?' "

Donkey Kong gave a smile as he rolled up the bottom fringe of his khakis back above his ankles. "Ah, my day? Average, I suppose. Spent most of it outside, enjoying such a wonderful day."

"It poured. All day," Jigglypuff pointed out.

DK smiled, taking a moment to sing in a deep croon "_It's raining… it's pouring, but I ain't complaining, cause I love the rain_." He looked towards Jigglypuff, whose facial expression didn't seem to change a bit. He didn't show a reaction like he'd have liked to, so he just took another drink of soda.

"Haha, out there in the rain, without a shirt on, just walking on through," Melanthe grinned. "All we need is for an ape woman to take a picture of you and put it on the cover of some ape harlequin romance novel."

"Ah," DK grinned, flustered. "I'm not that buff, am I?"

"You kidding?" Falco laughed. "You must be the hottest ape alive. Girls probably line up just to look at a picture of you." He picked at a feather, taking a few seconds before thinking to reply "Platonically speaking of course."

DK laughed loudly. "Ah, well, if you insist. What about the rest of you, are you doing okay?"

"Did fine," was all Jigglypuff had to say.

"Good for you," DK responded. "How about you, Falco?"

"Ah," Falco replied lightly, "killed some time beating the hell out of some of those new multi man melee creatures, whatever they are now."

"So you killed the day training, again?" DK groaned. "Come on, man, give us a chance!"

Falco grinned. "Not happening. You gotta work for it if you want the lead."

"You're right, you're right," Melanthe cracked. "And yet I still keep hoping I can win it by sitting around and treating this like a vacation. Surprisingly, I haven't broken bottom tier yet."

"That's as good a segue as anything," Falco cracked a smile. "Mel, how about you?"

"Ah, a lazy enough day. Don't know why the hell I'm wearing these dress clothes," she gestured to her long red skirt and a tight red jacket. "I guess I expected more seizing of the day, y'know? I ended up spending more of it in my dress clothes sitting on my tail, cause the damn thing always gets in the way."

Falco looked over at Mel, commenting "Well, on the bright side… nice clothes."

"Why thank you, darling," Mel replied with a grin. She looked to her right to see Lucario's reaction to this conversation, but she didn't seem to be entirely engrossed in it. She couldn't think of a sharp enough reply for the likes of her so she settled with "How about you, Luc? Have a good day?"

"I suppose," she replied. "Nothing eventful, though."

"Spend most of it meditating?" Jigglypuff asked.

Lucario frowned, casting a shadowy glance towards the puffball. "No, actually. I spent part of today in the East wing, painting with some of the others. And before you ask, yes, even with the spikes on my hand I manage to do that." She finished, waiting to see how Jigglypuff would reply to _that._

"Really?" she was surprised that the voice she heard instead was Kirby's, but was the only one not to betray that surprise as the others jumped back or gasped. She turned towards him with a smile and asked "Another example of excellent timing, young Kirby?"

"Well, I try, older Lucario," he replied with a grin, holding a plate of fruit salad. Melanthe overheard him and sniggered, stating "Ooooh, you hear that, _older Lucario?"_

Kirby stepped back, embarrassed. "Oh, did I say… something wrong?" he asked.

"I don't believe so," Lucario grinned slyly. "Although the term 'older' looks much better with Melanthe, I think."

Falco grinned. "Ooh, you hear that, _older Melanthe_?"

"Oh yes I do," she smirked. "You crazy kids."

Kirby looked around the table, confused, as he set Lucario's plate down in front of her. "I… think I'm just gonna stop using older when I talk to someone older than me."

Mel cracked a laugh. "Suit yourself."

Lucario took the fork and used it to scoop up the food. "Why, thank you, yo- Kirby."

"Aw, I liked 'young Kirby!'" Kirby insisted. "You can still call me that!"

Lucario giggled again. "Ah, young Kirby. I'd hug you if I didn't run the risk of impaling you."

"Thanks," Kirby smiled slightly, blushing again.

Falco caught his attention with a wave. Kirby perked up, looking at the avian intently. "Hey, kid," he told him. "A soda, on me."

Kirby grinned. "For me? Thanks, Falco!"

"Anytime, kid," Falco responded with a grin of his own, tossing Kirby the soda. The puffball gasped, but managed to leap up and catch it with his mouth. Thinking nothing of it, he spat it out and popped it open to drink.

"Hey, out of curiosity," DK chuckled, "if you swallowed that can of soda whole, would you turn into anything?"

Almost letting the soda drop, Kirby flinched and replied "Uh, I really don't wanna test that!" Everyone around him began to laugh, except for Jigglypuff, who did offer the kid a slight smile. Kirby responded with a laugh of his own, wondering why everyone around him thought he was so funny.

Melanthe set her can down and stated "Oh, by the way, have you all heard the news? We're getting a new member of the wing tomorrow."

"A new member?" Falco replied. "Y'know, I heard about that, but I wasn't sure what it meant. Is someone from another wing moving over here?"

"Let's hope they're not from the South Wing," Jigglypuff stated, causing everyone to shudder upon the mention. The South Wing was perhaps the least attractive of the four wings but the one that took the most time and money to create, and only to house less than ten members, all of which with some sort of background in evil or volatile affairs. Bowser and Ganondorf were the initial reason for its creation during the Melee tournaments, when the Stadium Campus was created instead of one solitary mansion. As of today, Bowser, Ganondorf, Wario, R.O.B. and Wolf were the smashers of the South Wing, accompanied by some assist trophies such as Gray Fox (surprisingly not directed to the North Wing) and Samurai Goroh. Occasionally shifts from wing to wing were made, but it was rare that someone was moved to the North Wing from another wing, and seeing that there were two nonhumans and one person with an animal-based name from the South, it was certainly not a comforting idea.

"I think," Melanthe elaborated, "that he is actually our new Brawler of the moment."

"A new brawler?" Kirby confirmed. "Cool!"

"Yeah," DK grinned. "Sounds neat, to have a new face around here."

"Haha, of course," Falco grinned. "Can't wait to check this guy out. See how I can initiate him."

"Heaven help us, not an initiation," Lucario sighed. "I haven't seen a good initiation since the day you somehow rigged my shower drains to mix in red dye with the water."

"That was a good one," Falco laughed, slapping his knee.

"Says you," Lucario shook her head, her thick bobs of 'hair' shaking around. "I still have red fur in places I prefer not to mention."

"Well, surely you wash down there," Jigglypuff told her. Lucario closed her eyes, fists clenched, wishing that Jigglypuff wasn't so blatantly, embarrassingly frank all the time. She managed to mutter "Of course I do," not daring to look up to see her neighbor's reaction.

DK stared at Jigglypuff in unabashed surprise, but managed to shake it off in time to shove Falco in the side and mumble "Well, you'll refrain this time, won't you?"

"Oh, kiss my ass, DK. That's the most fun I get around here," Falco replied stubbornly.

"Fine," DK gave him a knowing smile. "Just go easy on him this time. We want to welcome him into the Animal House with open arms, right guys?"

"Yep!" Kirby replied with a wide grin.

"And hopefully kick his ass like I have everyone else's," Falco quipped.

"If he doesn't kick yours first," Mel interjected. "From what I hear, this guy's volatile on his own. They almost put him in the South Wing, but decided against it since he apparently has an obvious honest moral code or something like that."

Everyone took a moment to digest that. "So…" Lucario began.

"So we should watch our backs," Jigglypuff finished for her.

"But still be welcoming," DK insisted. "I think that he deserves a chance, or at least some cordiality."

"Agreed," Lucario said. "Completely agreed."

Falco looked over the group with a smile. "Either way, we're a family. Some odd, disjointed motley crew gang of a family, and that's just fine enough for me, even if it is my second family and all." Everyone knew he was referring to his close friend Fox and his team, so no one mentioned it.

"I think it's everyone's extended family," Donkey Kong elaborated. "But family is still family."

"Yep," everyone was surprised that Jigglypuff felt the same way, albeit less so when she added "Even if consists of a frank and asocial distant cousin, a grouchy but loving mother and her sophisticated girlfriend, a hippie uncle, a devious big brother and an admittedly optimistic kid."

Lucario turned red again. "Pardon me, but I hardly think we are dating," she insisted.

"Hmm, well I've seen enough mainstream media to conclude that you two will end up in a relationship at some point in the tournament, just by that insistent denial right there."

"Quiet, you," Lucario glared at her.

"Ah, well, even if the sophisticated girlfriend and the asocial cousin don't get along," Falco interjected "I like your analogy, Jiggly. We're a family, and therefore I propose a bargain brand Shasta Lemon Lime soda toast to our family, whether or not it expands. Sound good?"

DK nodded. "Sounds like a memory."

"Well then, as the matriarch of the family, I declare that it shall happen." And with that, Melanthe moved her can to the center, hearing the clink of the cans as the social five and a squeaky "yay!" from Kirby. DK noticed that even Jigglypuff took a drink of her soda with a small smile on her face and a dim light through her wide eyes.

"To our family," he declared.

**A/N Well, I've already fallen in love with the characters. It's a funny story, really, because these characters are really my own concepts hinted at and tested in different oneshots. Melanthe makes acameo appearance in**_** Firework**_** and is a supporting character in the in progress but currently defunct **_**Strings**_**. This Jigglypuff bears semblance to the Jigglypuff in my short lived Romance Commission fic **_**To Describe My Love, **_**although she is not as cold in that fic. DK made a supporting character appearance in **_**Skyward to Freedom, **_**Lucario was a star in **_**Colors, **_**Kirby was the sole star and narrator of one of my most popular fics **_**Warrior of Happiness **_**and Falco, well Falco has made appearances in several fics (including my first fic **_**Words and Action), **_**but this is the version from **_**Pacifist Victors of a Champagne Battlefield. **_**So, so glad that I got to expand on these characters in a fic that I hope goes on for awhile.**

**Ah, yes, speaking of which, I hope to keep this fic going for awhile, but to do that I need a steady audience. So reviews or signs of support would be much appreciated. I'm not using this as a ploy or plead or even threat for reviews or favorites, but I am not sure I would dedicate my time to write a fic that's just for me, especially as I'm already busy. **

**Also, the relationship and hints of MelanthexLucario may be a bit polarizing in effect- some will love it, some will hate it. Let me just state that this is not supposed to be Yuri, or potential smut, or slash or anything like that. It's supposed to be a flirting, perhaps romantic relationship. Same as the types between humans or male/female. I'd say male/male too, but that, in my opinion, isn't portrayed very realistically here either. But yes, this is a normal relationship. So don't think I'm pushing an agenda or exploiting it, and please don't let it drive you away. An open mind, after all.**

**Wow, so serious I am. Don't let me fool you, I'm happy with it, and it's gonna be so much fun. Let me know what you think, who your favorite character is and all that. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.**

**And also, 50****th**** fic coming up (HOLY GOD.) I have something special in mind for that. :D**

**~MoD**

**P.S. The song that DK sings is **_**I Love the Rain **_**by The Real Tuesday Weld. It's so great.**


	2. Chapter 2: The Dark Knight

**A/N Well, that was more response than I expected. I'm glad to have the backup for my story I wanted. To make myself feel more official, it's time to answer the reviews! :D**

**Riverraiden: Pit is a humanoid in and of himself, so I'd reckon he stays with the humans. I'm glad you loved my portrayals- I'm totally going for good portrayals, so that's good to hear. Guess we'll have to see if you're right!**

**Stuff: Well, this isn't going to have every animalistic character in it. I'll bet Fox shows up in it somewhere down the line but I wanted to focus on the lesser-written-about characters such as DK (seriously, the amount of ficcage he gets is deplorable). Hence, these are our focused characters. **

**FalcoFanboy: More Falco? XD I kind of made him the mainish character (although it's really an ensemble piece.) And yes, I do like Shasta too, cause I can get it for like 40 cents at Grocery Outlet. ;)**

**Akashizaki: Dry? :P Good notice. It was somewhat by intent, but I totally note that it could be too much. Glad you did like it, though! As for Fox and Pikachu, like I stated, they'll probably appear, although perhaps less than the others. Kirby's probably the only supericon I'm featuring in this story heavily. **

**TwilightOkami: Glad to see I have a follower in you! Agh, the contest… we're trying, don't worry. It's not nearly as easy as it looks. :/**

**MouseMaster42: Yay, Kindles! As for my disappearance, that was on behalf of accursed Gmail. :P Speaking of which, expect a reply now that I am available. Glad to talk to ya again. Anyway! I hear ya on the story point thing- this time, the wing and its members was supposed to be a proper introduction. This cafeteria will be popping in again, don't you worry. Sort of the home base type thing. Glad to hear you'll be following!**

**Missybeautimus: :D That's awesome to hear! I'm so glad you already love it. How could I not update with fans like these?**

**Elig32: Why thank you! Unfortunately, your guess is wrong by default because Ike is not an animal. ;)**

**Alright, fanmail aside! Time to get to the story. And it's… funny, really, getting to the story. I swore I was going to retire the other day. I'm still pretty sure that for the most part I am. But I believe it was when Elig32 reviewed me that I realized hey, maybe I got a good thing going. I remembered my huge aspirations for this and decided it was worth a go. So, thanks. **

**This will be the introduction of the new smasher in the hall. It's not necessarily going to be a new smasher overall, and certainly not an OC. Read on to find out the obvious.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, regret nothing and let them forget nothing.**

**Alright! :D**

_Chapter 2  
>The Dark Knight<em>

"Lord knows what he's scheming up this time," Lucario noted with dry amusement.

"He's not even moving," Melanthe replied listlessly, next to her on the loveseat.

"He doesn't need to be. Just look at him. Twitchy, eager, excited. You can practically feel the mischief pouring off of him."

"No, that's just your thing," Mel reminded her.

"Well, yes, of course," Lucario admitted with a small blush, "but you can't honestly think that he's not going to do any sort of grand welcome for our newest houseguest, do you? Do you not know the man?"

"All too well," was the fond reply. "But even Falco's not that stupid to prank someone who could potentially kick his ass."

"Really?" dry disbelief floated onto the card table in the form of Jigglypuff, who glanced over at the other two ladies who shared the loveseat. "This is Falco. His setting a trap for someone who could easily kick his ass is simply a moment that defines who he is as a man."

From the rocking chair, DK laughed. "Succintly put, Jiggs."

Kirby, who was already biding his time swallowing a tennis ball, spitting it into the air, catching it and then repeating the cycle, wandered over to Falco, who was hunched over a notebook he occasionally scrawled into atop the closed piano. "Hey Falco, everyone thinks you're scheming. Are ya?"

"You bet I am," the avian smirked, staring at an open notebook with unintelligible doodling across it.

"Oh, okay." Kirby wandered away from him, walking back to the others. "Yep! He's scheming!" he confirmed with a grin.

Mel groaned. "Falco, you're an idiot, you know that?"

"You nuts act like the devil's taking residence," he cracked, not even looking up. "Whoever it is, I can take him."

"Hey, you're not the one who's going to have to scrape a broken bird off the pavement," DK reminded him. "Besides, I thought I told you to go easy on whoever this guy is."

"You did," Falco confirmed. "And I remember telling you to kiss my ass. Let me have my fun."

"Alright. You do that. I'll get out my black dress for the inevitable consequences of your actions," Melanthe rolled her eyes.

"Hardy har. Seriously, no one has any confidence in me or my schemes? I'm a master at stuff like these." He turned towards Kirby with a cocky grin. "What about you? You wanna help out?"

"When you die, can I have your blaster?" the young puffball responded, smiling ear to ear with expectancy.

"No you can't have my damn blaster, you little pink bugger," Falco mumbled crossly before turning back to his notebook.

"Aww!" Kirby frowned before sucking the tennis ball back in, resuming his game.

A pregnant pause occurred before DK sighed, saying "Okay, I'll bite. What are you planning?"

"None of your monkey business," Falco cracked. "You're all going to be just as surprised as he is."

"Oh, brother," Lucario groaned. "I swear, if you get me involved in this thing in the slightest, I will turn your mind inside out and turn you into something truly deplorable and humiliating."

Falco smirked. "Like a My Little Pony fan?"

"Hey, fuck you!"

"Stay classy, Mel. Anyway, it'll be simple and hopefully bloodless. I just need two things. Kirby, you're one of them."

"Aw, but I don't wanna die!" Kirby whined, the tennis ball falling on his head. He winced but had no further reaction.

"Come on! I need your copycat skills for a moment. All you need to do is go down to the South Wing and-"

"Whoa, hold the phone," DK chimed in. "You're not sending a kid down to the South Wing." Kirby nodded in a terrified agreement.

"Come on," Falco argued, flipping his notebook shut. "He's adorable! Not even the most awful of villains would mess with him."

"Actually," a voice stated that seemed to have no identifiable source, "you're very wrong about that. Trust me, these aren't those cloying villains who just need to know what love is. They eat kittens for breakfast, spend their Sunday afternoons punching brick walls, and kidnap someone every time a dance comes along around here. They'll see Kirby and play volleyball with his ass."

A soft, petrified _eep! _was heard as Melanthe stood up, having her fill of everything. She walked near the piano and, looking down, sent a mighty kick through the nearby cardboard box. It flew into the air before landing on the clearly perturbed Snake. "Asshole," she muttered.

Unfazed, he snatched the dented box off of his back and stood up with it. "I think you'd prefer to hear the tales than to experience them. Anyway, birdbrain. What the hell do you need costumes for?"

"Costumes?" Falco found himself surprisingly frozen.

"Yes, costumes." Snake repeated as he stood up. "I caught the whole wanting a prank thing, but if you need a disguise I've bought the whole store in my line of work."

Falco snapped his fingers in recognition. "Oh! Yeah, you're Snake. Sorry, still not used to seeing a human in these parts."

"Well I'm still not used to living amongst animals," was the retort. "But yes, if it's costumes you need, disguises or whatever, I'm your man. Got a whole closet full of them."

"That's…" Falco couldn't grasp the word.

"Odd." Jigglypuff finished without looking up from wherever she was staring.

"So I've been told," Snake replied. "Anyway, are you up for it, Falco?"

It took Falco less than a second to reply "Hell yes. Take me to this mystical wardrobe of yours."

Slightly alienated, Snake replied "O…kay." Without another word, he shrugged and started down the hall, Falco eagerly following behind him. The others (save Jigglypuff) watched them walk down the hall in an odd state of bewilderment.

"Well…" DK started, fishing for a conversation.

"That happened," Jigglypuff finished, as uninvolved as ever.

Melanthe looked around the room, trying to take everything in. "Okay, now I'm kind of interested in what's going to go down."

"I'm not."

"Yeah, we caught on to that, Jiggs."

Kirby picked up the tennis ball again. "I'm just really, really curious," he mused, his expression wistful.

"About what?" Lucario inquired.

"Why this guy has all those costumes," he replied as he bounced the ball, this time floating in the air and kicking it into the ground repeatedly.

"Well, he is some sort of secret agent," she offered.

"Well I know that part. But seriously, why would he need so many costumes? I mean, even I don't have that many! And he's a grown-up!"

"You're eight hundred and seventy three years old," Jigglypuff bothered to look up from the window to give a confused look towards the other puffball of the room.

"But I'm such a kid! It's so confusing!" Kirby insisted.

Lucario offered a sympathetic look, while Jigglypuff fixated her attention back on the window, letting the time pass much too silently, with only the continued bouncing of Kirby's tennis ball and his silent keeping track of record bounce lengths.

Eventually, Falco strutted out, a grin on his face. He announced "This prank is going to be sweet."

"Is that so." Jiggly couldn't put enough emphasis on her words to make it a question.

"Yep. Even Snake thinks so," he said proudly, nearly dancing around the room before declaring loudly "Prepare yourselves, North Wing, for the greatest Falco prank since I dyed Lucario's junk red!"

Sputtered laughter was heard from Melanthe's side of the room.

"Indirectly, let me clarify!" Falco was unperturbed. "There was a shower involved! A shower I was most certainly not in, let me further clarify! Anyway, I'm off to go plan my epic revolution of prank! Wait with bated breath, my subjects!" And with that, he twirled off, over the moon.

Silence took hold in the room until it was broken by a boisterous laugh. No one was particularly surprised to see DK in his chair, rocking in helpless laughter. "It's like, it's like…" he breathlessly hunted for words "I dunno, it's like he discovered his inner… shit, I dunno what he discovered, but it's goddamn hilarious."

Jigglypuff glanced at him for a moment; not a particularly harsh glance but one that still couldn't comprehend what his problem was.

"I wonder if his prank thing will be as awesome as he says it is!" Kirby said enthusiastically as DK calmed himself down.

"Yeah, you know, I have to wonder," Lucario murmured in agreement.

"You never know, he just might top his prior best," Melanthe tried to keep her reply subtle while looking for any flush on Lucario's face. She wasn't disappointed, merely grinning as the jackal swiped her wrist with a furious glare.

Another bout of raucous laughter was heard down the hallway in a more foreign voice. Everyone (Jigglypuff included) turned towards the entrance Falco had come in from to see Snake coming in, laughing almost as hard as DK. DK tried to keep composure but ended up laughing with him, clutching his chest as they both guffawed. Everyone else in the room looked on, before they each found themselves laughing as well (Jigglypuff included).

"Someone, please tell me why we're laughing!" Melanthe begged, trying to stop herself but not quite successful.

"That's, that's among the remarkably worst ideas I've ever seen," Snake declared, kneeling on the ground and trying to control his laughter. Everyone else quieted down almost in unison.

"Whoa." Jigglypuff said. "Seriously?"

"I'm not kidding, that prank is awful," Snake insisted; finally back to full composure (although breathing heavily.)

"Then... why are you having him go through with it?" Melanthe inquired.

"Honestly, I just want him to finally get his ass kicked by one of these new guys," he explained without an ounce of guilt. "I think it'll do the man good."

Silence.

"Plus it'd just be great to see."

Quiet murmurs, save for Lucario who declared "Justice at last" a little too loudly.

"So, what exactly is his plan?" DK asked.

"I won't spoil the surprise," Snake shook his head. "It'll make the big moment that much better." Not waiting for a response, he picked up his crumpled box and walked out of the room without another word, a grin engraved across his face.

Silence again. Surprising everyone, Jiggly was the one to break it. "Is it wrong…" she hesitated before finishing "that I became quite attracted to that man just now?"

DK shrugged. "For you, not so much," he murmured with an airy grin.

Jiggly giggled. "You'll have to go through me first, honey."

Melanthe eyed them both for a split second, stupefied. Eventually, she just sighed and said "Well this was entertaining. I'm getting something to eat." With another sigh, she walked out of the room. Lucario hesitated a bit then followed. Kirby picked up his tennis ball and bounded up after them, not waiting for the other two. Still grinning, DK looked towards the piano when suddenly he made an odd observation.

"Hey Jiggs."

"Yeah?" She was still smiling, although she tried to hide it.

"Is it just me, or did Snake leave with his cardboard box twice?"

Jigglypuff stared towards the piano before concluding "Honestly, I don't really care."

DK shrugged, and after a mighty stretch, lifted himself out of his chair, following the others to the cafeteria. Jigglypuff watched him go, still trying not to smile. When she was sure he was gone, she leapt up from the card table and effortlessly glided through the air towards the piano, landing atop it with nary a single midair jump. Trying to be subtle, she looked behind it, but saw nothing of note. Shrugging, she hopped off and decided to join the others as she landed on the ground.

"Hey! Watch out!"

"Oh! Sorry, Olimar."

* * *

><p>The next day found everyone in the cafeteria waiting for the grand reveal of Falco's newest prank. More accurately, the welcoming of their new houseguest, but Falco made sure to remind everyone that his prank would all but turn the world's hunger into one of peace. Even more accurately, that was exactly what he claimed it would do, word for word.<p>

Needless to say, even without Snake's spoiler, no one was quite convinced.

"You're full of it."

"Who the hell?" Falco was evidently surprised.

Jigglypuff leapt into the air. "Oh! Sorry again, Olimar."

The tiny space captain nodded sharply and skittered across the room past Falco, unfazed. The avian glared in his direction and shouted "Hey, don't make me put your bed on the top shelf again, small fry!"

DK glared and smacked him on the back of the head. "We really need to enforce a one-prank-per-customer compromise."

Falco rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I'm going to get started. When's Victim Number Five due?"

"Thirty minutes," Lucario informed him, pulling a watch out of a purse she was carrying and then putting it back.

"Ooh snap," Falco replied. "I gotta hustle. See you guys later!" Before anyone could object or roll their eyes, he was down the hall and out of sight."

Melanthe looked around again. "So. I guess we wait." Lucario shrugged and nodded.

"I'm bored!" Kirby whined, scowling. "Why do we have to wait if the prank is going to be really dumb?"

"Exactly," Mel told him, suddenly eager. "We wait _because _the prank is going to be lame."

"That makes no sense!" Kirby argued.

"Come on, kid, you've got to be brighter than you-"

DK interrupted. "In any case, we should welcome our houseguest, especially since he's getting a cold open from Falco there."

Kirby sighed, but smiled a little bit. "Okay, I guess that's fine."

Lucario smiled, putting a hand on his head. In her other hand she reached into her bag and pulled out his tennis ball. Trying not to grimace since she knew where it had been, she handed it to him, saying "Young Kirby, will this make the wait easier?"

He lit up immediately. "You bet it will!" he shouted. "Thanks, Lucario! Although you _really _shouldn't have picked it up yourself since it's been in my mouth so much." Without another word, he picked it up and tossed it in the air and then leaping up to catch it in his mouth.

"Oh! Well…" despite that, she smiled anyways. She noticed Melanthe looking up at the kid, easily entertained. "Dude, that kid's like a pet dog with his cool tennis ball tricks!"

Lucario bristled. "I object to that!"

"Oh. Sorry."

Suddenly, they could hear the front door open. Immediately, the whole crew scattered off to see if the guest was there. They arrived in the hallway to see Falco had just stepped in the house, showing everyone his costume.

"Snake was right," Jigglypuff replied breathlessly as she took a seat on a cardboard box, astonished at how bad it truly was.

Falco, donning a fake, long white beard, bushy white eyebrows, a Hawaiian T-shirt, khaki shorts hiked up above his waist and sandals, rested on a cane and beamed. "I know, isn't it awesome?"

No one replied.

"Speechless, I see," Falco deduced. "No matter! I assure you I'll get this guy good."

At that very moment, the doorbell rang. Sighing in relief, Jigglypuff muttered "Thank god, he's early. That saves us a page or two of filler."

"Hide!" Falco hissed, making sure his friends were somewhat out of sight before opening the door. On the other side stood a small, round creature similar to Kirby and Jigglypuff. He donned black boots, an elegantly sketched silver mask and a gorgeous gold-lined sword with branching ridges like an oak tree. His eyes shone yellow as he asked Falco. "Hello, I assume this is the North Wing?"

Kirby gasped loudly, and then covered his mouth.

"No!" Falco barked in his best old-man voice, which was pretty awful. "You damn whippersnappers always come here and prank me with your asking for places that this isn't! Now get off my-"

In one fell swoop, the fake white beard was shorn into bits by the sword, falling into the ground whilst Falco leapt up into the air in shock, nearly clinging to the chandelier. "I would hope next time," the new tenant growled in a deep, steady voice, "that you would provide your guest with a better welcome. Or at least," he swept his sword up to Falco's face, effortlessly removing the fake eyebrows which fell to the ground with the pieces of beard, "a well-planned, clever joke." Not amused, he walked in, taking only his sword in with him as he muttered "plebeian."

Everyone stood around in shock, not bothering to say anything. The silence was broken by a familiar round of raucous laughter that seemed to come from nowhere.

"Who the hell was that?" DK asked, looking around fervently. Suddenly, a cardboard box was flung into the air, Jigglypuff still attached to it, yelping in surprise. Both her and the box fell on the ground softly in front of everyone else.

"Found it," she said dryly.

"That!" Snake barked, still laughing. "That is for setting up one of my own mines in my underwear drawer. You should have seen the look on your face when he cut your beard off!" He walked off, continuing to laugh.

"Come on!" Falco shouted after him, fists balled. "You jack-off! Why, I oughta…" he never figured out what he oughta do, so he just sighed, kicking the cardboard box that the mercenary had left behind and storming off.

Everyone else was still too shocked to laugh. In fact, Kirby looked downright nerved out.

"That- that was, that was…" he stuttered, his voice mangled by the tennis ball still in his mouth.

"A hipster?" Melanthe suggested.

"No, no!" Kirby insisted, spitting the ball out. It rolled a good distance across the room.

"Come on! Only a hipster uses a word like plebeian!"

"No, he's not… that! He's, he's Meta Knight!"

A few murmurs of recognition sounded around the room. "I still say he's a hipster," Melanthe argued.

"Who exactly is Meta Knight?" Lucario asked Kirby, placing a hand on his head again.

"He's… I know him, but he's really… he's kinda scary, but kinda sorta good… I dunno. He just makes me nervous," Kirby admitted, visibly shaking. "Can… can we talk about it later?"

Lucario took the eight hundred year old kid in her arms. "Of course, young Kirby. Come on, let's get you something to eat."

Weakly, he smiled. "That'd be nice."

"Hell yeah it'd be nice," Melanthe agreed with a grin. "Food is always nice!" The three of them took their exit, leaving Jigglypuff and DK in the room together.

"DK?" The ape in question turned towards Jigglypuff, noticing a longing smile on her face. He responded with a warm grin and said "Yes?"

"You can have Snake," she told him with a short, uncharacteristic giggle before hopping out of the room and towards her own. Slightly alarmed, he turned around and called back "I actually didn't really want…" she was gone. "Snake."

Sighing, he kicked the cardboard box again and followed the others in the cafeteria.

**A/N So, I'm all comedy all the time right now. I just finished Arrested Development, I've been watching Futurama, my parents are watching this really gnarly show on HBO called Girls (solidly MA rated but really funny) and I've been catching some Louis CK routines as well. Of course, with all this comedy I've been pouring the acquired funny into this work while keeping it fresh and me. I hope you enjoy! Thanks for keeping up with this. **

**~MoD**

**P.S. If you have a favorite line, please let me know! :D**


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